Halloween Humor

You might be a redneck if the jack-o-lantern on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

Why did the vampire buy Nyquil? To stop his coffin.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.

Where does the ghost take his family on vacation? Mali-boo.

What do you call someone who puts poison in the Cheerios? A cereal killer.

What instrument does the skeleton play? The trom-bone.

What is the witch's favorite subject? Spelling.

Why don't mummies go on vacation? They are afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Where do ghosts get their nails done? The boo-ty parlor.

How are werewolves like computers? They both have megabytes.

What is a vampires biggest fear? Tooth decay.

How do you make a witch stew? Keep her waiting for hours.

Where do ghosts do their shopping? At boo-tiques.

How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

What do you call a ghost's mistakes? Boo-boo's.

What do ghosts and goblins drink when they're thirsty? Ghoul-aid.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour-puss.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons? They're a bunch of nobodies.

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin pi.

Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hobblin' goblin.

What kind of dog does the vampire have? A bloodhound.

What do you call two or more witches living together? Broom-mates.

How do you get the jack-o-lantern to stop smoking? Give him a pumpkin patch.

What do you get when you cross an vampire with the internet? A blood thirsty hacker-baby.

Where does Dracula make his withdrawals? The blood bank.

What is the zombie's favorite dessert? Ladyfingers.

What does the little monster call his parents? Mummy and deady.

Why are mummies so tense? They are all wound up.
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