Mom Wisdomisms or what 25 years of being a mom taught me.

I have been a mom for a quarter of a century. I know, I know, nobody thought I could stick with anything that long- and who knows, if they had let me run away I probably wouldn't have.

However, since I did put in my time... err I mean I loved every minute of it... I figure that gives me the right to label myself an expert and pass off my unwanted advice to all my blogging buddies.

Here are some of my best mom wisdomisms (I am making up a word here cuz I don't know what else to call them). What are yours?

1) Letting the kids dance on the coffee table did not turn them into strippers despite the dire warnings of *those people* (although if you want to work at Coyote Ugly and dance on the bar, girlies, go for it, you won't shame or embarrass me).

2) You do not go to hell for skipping parts when reading the same f&#$%$#$& bedtime story for the 80 gazillionth time... although if the kids catch on to you, you might consider hell a reprieve.

3) Just because I don't have millions of baby pictures doesn't mean they aren't mine or that I love them less than their sisters- it means the older ones kept me too busy to preserve every second of the littles' life. Blame them. (A little sibling rivalry is a good thing).

4) Losing my temper and letting the kids hear me cuss and rant and rave did not turn them into foul-mouthed sailors, the worst it did is scare the sh*t out of them temporarily which is not necessarily awful. Especially when it stopped whatever caused me to go off in the first place.

5) Watching R-rated movies and listening to questionable music does not turn kids into rapists, murderers, haters or any other thing- and only partly cuz most of the words we don't understand and make up our own.
While some kids cannot handle these things, I am thinking these are kids who have NO GRASP on reality. Open dialogue and just plain living and talking about what you see and hear teaches them right from wrong, and if they don't get that it's a mental issue, not because you let them watch an action flick.
Besides if you don't watch together how do they know when you get to the mushy gushy sex scenes to say ewwwwwwwwwwwwww is it over yet? If they have to sneak they will sit with eyes glued to the set and learn what you are trying to keep from them.

6) While they say you get no second chances, every day with your kids is a day to start anew and do better. They are very forgiving and want to love you, so admit you are a screwed-up human and do what you can to right things and try better next time.
If that fails, pay them to say how awesome you are and blog with you so you can keep up your delusions and present a united front to the rest of the world.

7) Not putting your kids in every sports/music/social program does not make you a bad parent- in fact if you ask the kids, it is only the other parents you are impressing. They are overburdened and desperate for free time to just be a kid.
Besides, it is not the ones who had 15 years of whatever and and and who make it to the finals of Coyote Ugly (see 1) or the next Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader anyways. ;-)

8) Pick your battles. Little tiny holes or blue hair won't matter 10 years from now, brain fried from drugs or liver shot from alcohol or teen pregnancy or std's will affect them for the rest of their lives.
When *they* tell you how wrong you are and how your kids will end up in cults or jail or as druggie hookers thank them very much and snicker behind your hand cuz you know their *perfect* child who was raised "right" is doing things that would cause a coronary at the very least so you know you hold the power to crash their little Utopia's around their ankles if you really were the b*tch they say you are.

9) Deny, deny, deny. Your kids will embarrass you like no-one else ever could. They will repeat every bit of sensitive information they hear. They will mimic your every less than stellar action.
Deny they are yours. Swear you don't have any idea where the little monster spawns of Satan came from even though they look just like you. Walk away and don't look back when they scream "mommy, mommy, don't leave me, mommy".

10) Everything you do as a parent is wrong to someone so just smile and nod and yes them to death and if they won't quit say you had your chance to screw up your kids, now it's my turn.
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